Wednesday, May 18, 2011

>:D die pig die!

Steve blinked his eyes, and all he saw was blackness. His last memory was jumping off the hill as the cow watched him fall, then the sound of his bones breaking and then: nothing. But slowly he began to come to, rubbing his eyes and rolling over on the warm, dry sand. When he finally had the strength to open his eyes, he saw the sun arcing behind some puffy white clouds. He guessed that it was around 2 o’clock in the afternoon, judging by the position of the sun in the sky. Steve slowly stood up, taking into account the stabbing hunger in his stomach. He noticed that he was standing on the same exact piece of land that he had come to this island on. Steve grumbled about how hungry he was, then shuffled over to the hill that he had fallen off of. There was still a cow bouncing along on top of it, looking completely content as it ate grass and mooed happily. Steve gave an evil grin as he moved towards the cow, which looked at him with its innocent brown eyes. Steve simply didn’t care. He willed the defense stick to appear in his hand, but nothing happened. He willed it to appear again, but there was no popping noise and no stick. He grumbled at the cow and moved off down the hill, and, surprise! All of the planks he had made, his defense stick, even the crude bench were clustered in a pile at the bottom of the hill. He picked up all of the planks, which made a popping noise as they were sucked into his backpack. Then Steve set off to find some food.


Steve let out a battle cry as he charged across a grassy plain at one of the pigs that was bouncing across the flat stretch of land. Steve had spent the good part of 3 hours chasing this one pig all over the plain, trying to thrust the stick into its heart. Steve had already managed to stick it in the butt of the pig twice while it ran away, but nothing vital. Steve held his stick at the ready as he crouched behind a stack of boulders, waiting for the little- there it was! Steve burst out from behind the rocks and thrust the pointed stick right into the pig’s heart. The pig let out an oink of despair, then- burst into flames?! A piece of meat came away from the pig as it dissolved into smoke as Steve stared at it. Steve bent down to pick up the cut of meat, really wishing it was cooked, and bit it. And almost immediately spit it out. Steve really appreciated the modern convenience of ovens. Steve decided that he could not eat like this, and set about making a new digging tool out of planks. When he was finished crafting it, he walked over to the outcropping he had hid behind when he jumped the pig, and started mining large chips of stone out of the projection. Within a few minutes he had 8 blocks of cracked stone. Steve proceeded to shape these blocks into a rough hollow cube with a grate dividing it in half, the top side for the food and the bottom side for the fuel. He put his piece of pork in the top half, threw a couple pieces of coal in the bottom side, then facepalmed. He didn’t have any means of lighting the fuel. But to his surprise, the coal magically ignited and began to brown the pork chop. After a few seconds, he had a very delicious meal of cooked pork. He dug into it with his hands, savoring every bite. When he was done, he absentmindedly gazed at the sky. And facepalmed. It was almost dark, and Steve had no means to protect himself since his defense stick was almost broken, and no where to stay. He decided to dig a small cave in the side of a hill for the night. He took his bench inside, deciding that some light would be necessary. He took a piece of coal and split it in quarters with his pick, then took four sticks and bound the coal to the sticks with vegetation. As Steve had predicted, the coal lit after he had finished the crude torches. He picked one out of his backpack, intending to place it on the wall, but he realized with despair that it had no bracket. Well, apparently physics didn’t apply in this world, because the torch stuck on the wall like it had crazy glue on it. Steve was once again astounded by the simplicity of all this, and went about placing torches along the walls of his cave. He used his hands to clear some dirt away from the floor, and it came of in a cube. He placed this cube in the entrance of the cave, to keep more of the exploding reptiles away from him. As Steve slowly sank into a deep sleep on the floor of his cave, he kept thinking: tomorrow I’m going to make a shelter!

Next post: I show blogland pictures of my house!


  1. Cool!
    I like it!
    One suggestion, though, say Steve a little less often and use pronouns a little more :P

  2. You're right Skyril, I noticed that problem myself :P I'll try to fix it next time I write okay?